As I’ve been listening to Mind guide me more of the time, the meaning and depth of trust has expanded for me.
Trust used to be conditional for me. In other words, I would trust that things would turn out as I planned when I had all the pieces in place. So there was a great deal of effort and action in order to succeed.
If my plans didn’t materialize in the way I thought they should, I lost trust, not only in my plan, but more importantly, in myself.
I would feel that I hadn’t planned well enough, that I was not intelligent enough, that I didn’t have the education I needed to manifest my words and ideas into reality. Simply put, I felt I wasn’t enough!
I remember the time when Syd was encouraging those of us who were being mentored by him in the early years, to leave the island, to find our inner confidence and share our voices more fully. He felt we were becoming too dependant on him, and didn’t want that at all.
It wasn’t an easy time for any of us early students, as we loved the island, and being close to Syd. However, we knew it was time to go. Ken and I were the last ones to leave, with our two children, Ron and Lynn, who were 15 and 12 years of age.
I remember tears filling my eyes, as we pulled out of our driveway to head for Vancouver. Our kids weren’t too happy to leave either, especially our daughter, Lynn. Ken was more at peace than I was. He’d already had a job in Richmond and was eager to have the family together. My heart was sore.
We found a beautiful townhouse in Richmond, overlooking a dike and the wetlands by the Strait of Georgia. As we arrived at the complex, I began to get excited at our new adventure. That is, until the owners answered the door, their faces looking as if disaster had struck. And it had.
At the last moment, their finances hadn’t come through, and they couldn’t complete the sale. They assured us things would be settled within a week. In the meantime, they suggested we book into a hotel, as they carried out their arrangements to complete the sale and to move out.
To say we were a tad upset is an understatement. Actually, Ken was pretty cool. Not me! I was bent out of shape. How could this happen to ME! I had done everything by the book. I lived in wisdom as best as I could. I had trusted that things would be okay.
After all, I had been travelling with Syd, receiving “on the job” training; I was sharing the Principles the best I could. This situation just wasn’t right!
My trust was deeply shaken. My personal thinking was having a field day. “See, I told you not to trust that inner crap.” “You gotta plan; you should have called again before you came over.” “You shouldn’t have trusted those people to vacate as they said they would.”
We drove out of the complex and parked at the side of the road while we continued to think what to do. We had a U-Haul truck full of our furniture, and the kids tucked into the car with me. Finally, we decided to head to a modest hotel that we’d stayed in before and see if there were rooms available for our family.
We were very grateful to get a discount for our week long stay, and the kids got excited as they saw the pool and the restaurant in the hotel. Ken was able to get our furniture stored and we settled into our temporary home.
At dinner that evening, the kids were so happy to have a pool and eat dinner out, that my mood lifted, and instead of feeling despair at our bad luck, I began to feel a tremor of happiness. . .
Our week long stay turned out to be an absolutely beautiful event, a family holiday like we’d never had before. We got closer to the kids and to each other. We loved our adventure. The sale was completed and we moved in at the end of the week. All was well.
It took a while for my learning to unfold from that experience. I began to get a glimmer that my trust was conditional, based on external circumstances. I realized that conditional trust didn’t serve me well. It gave me stress and heartache. And the thing is, everything did turn out well, despite my lack of trust!
Had that experience not happened, we wouldn’t have had that beautiful, unplanned holiday with the children. Plus, I was given the opportunity to learn to trust Mind more, to listen more deeply to my wisdom. And to see how calm and wise Ken was/is and to hear him more.
What became apparent to me during this learning is that it’s not about building trust in ourselves; it’s about releasing the trust that is inherent within us. That spiritual trust is part of us, part of our true nature. Spiritual trust is a gift packaged within our wisdom, within Mind.
Trust is a quality of strength and confidence, of knowing there is nothing to do, except “listen”. Knowing that trust is holding us safe, whether we know which direction we’re going in or what the next step is in our journey.
I can’t describe the peace this insight has brought me. Such comfort in knowing that I really don’t have to trust my “doing”.
Rather, it is knowing that trust is already a done deal. It’s a matter of our personal thinking getting out of the way, thus releasing the abundance of trust, inner strength, peace of mind and clarity, to continually thrive in our spiritual and physical journey.
I love the simplicity of this! No stress in figuring out how to move ahead, what to do next, and how to do it.
As Syd constantly reminded us, “Once you’ve had an insight, just live.”