Previous Wisdom for Life Columns

From Source of Irritation to Superstar Feed Them Salt

Relevance versus Packaging Roller Coaster Summer

Being in Integrity The Many Faces of Rapport

Truth Does Not Sleep Redefining Maturity

The Sandpaper Effect of Consciousness Mining for Treasure

When people are gripped by despair, sorrow, anger, bitterness or other unhelpful emotions, it can be difficult for them to even consider that beneath their gloomy perspective resides inherent common sense. Yet if you listen carefully to their conversation to get the flavor of their world you will find unmined treasure that they may be totally unaware of. Then you can, when appropriate, direct them to their own inner resources.

In the summer, you may have occasionally noticed a beach comber wandering the beach, holding a metal detector, sweeping the instrument across the sand, looking for lost gold, rings, coin, or other treasures. Listening for people’s innate wisdom is like using a mental health detector; you will always find some gold nuggets if you listen deeply enough.

For example, Glen and Nina, a retired couple married many years, had experienced a tragic event, the death of their only son at the age of 25, which devastated them. They were inconsolable for many months to the point where Glen, in utter despair, was contemplating suicide. His wife was also suffering and was deeply concerned about her husband, loving and supporting him the best she could.

The couple’s close friend, Alan, stood by them, listening to their heartfelt anguish and helping where he could. At some point, Alan gave them Sydney Banks book, The Enlightened Gardener, which helped calm them down. Still the father struggled with his desolation, feeling he had nothing left to live for.

Alan asked Glen what he had found helpful in Syd’s book. “It’s a nice book, Alan, and it has some interesting theories but it doesn’t really speak to my reality. I’ve lost my son and nothing is going to bring him back. That’s reality.”

“Yes, I know nothing will bring back your son, Glen, and I don’t pretend to know what you are feeling because I’ve never lost a child. It’s just that you are my buddy and I hate to see you suffering so much. Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Nobody can do anything for me. My life is over.”

“What about the love and support of your wife and relatives?

“Yes, I know. Nina has been incredible throughout this tragedy. She has a quiet strength that keeps her going and has been helpful to me when I’ve been at my lowest point. But I’m not like her. I don’t have anything I can count on now that my son is gone.”

“The fact that you can see and feel Nina’s quiet strength tells me that there is something in you that resonates with her strength, that her inner power has touched and helped you.”

“That’s nonsense, Alan. It’s not about me, I’ve nothing left inside – it’s about Nina’s strength, not mine. That’s what helping me sometimes.”

“You’ve still got a choice, Glen, whether you choose to engage that strength or not. I see that you do employ that power occasionally and my observation is that when you do, you feel better.”

“It’s simply a momentary distraction from my pain then I start to think of my son again and I’m lost.”

“Do you see how when you use your thoughts wisely, by connecting with your inner strength, you feel better? And when you attach to your sorrowful thoughts you feel miserable?”

“I’m just using my thought process to create distraction. That doesn’t have anything to do with reality! The reality is my son is dead.”

Alan reached out his arm and put it around Glen’s shoulder and just held him quietly for a moment. “I’m heading out to the lake this afternoon to do some trout fishing. Do you want to come?”

“Sure, why not. It’ll be a diversion for awhile.”

Alan and Glen spent a quiet afternoon, catching and releasing a few trout. Not much conversation took place, just a feeling of peace pervaded. On the ride home, Glen commented on how much he appreciated his friend and how he had stood by him and his wife in their time of grief. “Sometimes I feel as if I’m never going to come out of this grieving process, Alan, and I feel guilty if I start to enjoy myself. How can I be so hard-hearted to enjoy my life when my son is gone?”

“What I see, Glen, is that you are moving forward in life. Nothing stays static, not even grief. Everyone has their own pace with moving on. You take all the time you need to grieve, just please don’t torture yourself by lingering there. Your son would want you to enjoy your life. You’ll always have memories of your son, they’ll never go away. Your son is still with you in your heart and soul.”

“But it hurts to remember him, Alan, even the good times. It hurts because he’s no longer with us. I don’t know how I can get past that.”

“Is that state of mind where you want to live?”

“No!” Glen retorted adamantly. “I just don’t know how to move on.”

“What do you do now to provide some peace of mind for yourself?”

“I don’t know that what I experience is peace of mind but I walk a lot; physical exercise seems to help. And you know I also write now and then; I’ve started an article on fly fishing techniques – it’s tough but sometimes I get going and accomplish a few pages and that also helps focus my mind on something else besides my grief. But really, all that is merely a diversion. It doesn’t last long then my despair is back.”

“What prompted you to write an article on fly fishing?”

“I don’t know. It was just something to do, creating a diversion.”

“I think that’s terrific, Glen. That’s your innate common sense moving you forward.”

“No, that’s just my survival instinct.”

“Call it whatever you want, Glen. You’re still doing some constructive things that are helping you move to a more accepting, peaceful state of mind.”

“I don’t know about that but I’m not going to argue with you. Nina is volunteering at the Homeless Shelter, helping dish out lunch, and that is providing some solace for her. But she’s still really struggling.”

“You both have a lot of courage, Glen, and to give back to others, whether its tips on fly fishing or helping feed the homeless, it’s all good, for you and for them.”

“Well, I’m not getting my hopes up. You’re too optimistic, Alan, but you’re a good friend and I know that you are genuinely trying to help us.”

“All I ask is that you give yourself some credit for your own wisdom in doing what you’re doing, call it survival instinct or common sense. You’re discovering hidden treasures inside of yourself.”

“Oh don’t go all poetic on me,” Glen replied with a wry grin.

After dropping Glen off, Alan reflected as he continued his drive to his home, how helpful it was to be “normal” with Glen, spending a quiet afternoon fishing with him. Instead of trying to turn Glen away from his unhelpful emotions, experiencing a healthy time together was far more powerful then talking about how thought creates experience.

It was “living in a healthy feeling” rather than the “talking about a healthy feeling” that brought relief to them both. The positive experience brought respite from the negative thoughts Glen had been thinking. Taking the focus off of negative thoughts allowed the natural healthy default setting of human beings to emerge. Alan conceded to himself that there was a place for education describing how humans create their own experience as well as living in well-being. Clearly the partnership between education and experience was a powerful force. The old saying, “walk your talk” had never been so meaningful to Alan.

Several days later, Alan and his girlfriend, Marisa, joined Glen and Nina for a hike through a National park. There were many trails to choose from and the couples decided on the coast trail, overseeing magnificent views of the ocean. After a brisk hour long walk they found a patch of grass in the sun, found comfortable spots to recline and pulled out their lunch and drinks. As they munched their sandwiches, they observed a squirrel darting between the trees, busily gathering fallen nuts. With bulging cheeks, the squirrel scampered up the tree with its’ treasure, noisily chattering away.

The couples remarked on the industrious nature of the squirrel and Glen commented on how much his son would have enjoyed this outing. The mood turned pensive and Glen began to bring out his usual remarks about how tragic the loss of his son was. Alan and Marisa glanced at each other, uncertain what to do other than just listen.

As the mood continued to deteriorate, Alan was just about to suggest they continue their walk when Nina spoke softly. “That’s enough, Glen, I refuse to listen anymore to how awful the loss of our son is. You always talk about the loss of your son, but he was my son too.”

Glen’s face had a chagrined look as he said, “I can’t let it go, Nina. The reality is we’ll never see our son again and . . .

Nina interrupted Glen, looking him straight in the eye, piercing through to his very soul, and in a voice filled with love, passionately said, “I don’t want to hear it, Glen. I want to remember our son with love. He was a loving, light-hearted soul, seeing the best in everyone. Do you think he would want us to remain in our misery?”

There was a long, drawn-out silence then Glen said quietly, “No, he wouldn’t, Nina. You’re right. I’ve been too busy thinking to listen to anyone.”

The group somberly gathered their things together and backtracked to the car. When they reached the vehicle, Glen apologized to Alan and Marisa. “I know I’ve not been great company but I do appreciate you both spending time with us. It’s very kind of you.”

Turning to Nina, he wrapped his arms around her and quietly held her. “Thank you,” he whispered.

After dropping Nina and Glen at home, Alan and Marisa continued on their way. “When Nina spoke to Glen at the park, it felt like a defining moment,” Alan said. “I don’t know them as well as you do, Alan, but it certainly felt like something shifted for them. When they were walking up the path to their front door, Glen reached out for Nina’s hand. His face looked more relaxed too on the way back from the park as did Nina’s.”

A few days later, Alan called Glen, “How are you, old buddy?” They carried on a conversation for a time then Alan remarked that Glen sounded in better spirits. “No, I’m not really. I’m the same. It’s just that Nina won’t let me get away with too much anymore. I don’t know what’s come over her. I think she’s been reading those books you gave her from Sydney Banks. Thanks a lot,” he said in an injured tone, then burst out laughing.

“Well, whatever is happening with the two of you, you sure sound good, Glen. Your sense of humor is more than diverting.”

“Seriously, I owe you a lot, Alan, for all your patience and kindness. You’re a good friend. I know that I’ll never forget my son but I’ve got to move on and live life. I am starting to see that I am dishonoring my son by torturing myself and my wife by not letting him go.”

Alan knew then that his friend was on his way to more peace of mind. He was filled with compassion for the couple on their inner journey, feeling that there was more for them to learn, but sensing that they had a much more solid foundation on which to build their future. They had indeed found and started to mine the treasure within themselves.

Elsie Spittle

April 30, 2008

Salt Spring Island, B.C.

The Sandpaper Effect of Consciousness

The Principle of Consciousness continues to fascinate me with its infinite diverse power. Consciousness continues to unfold a multi-faceted dimension in providing awareness of how humans create experience.

If one is in a lower state of mind, Consciousness can sometimes appear irritating, prodding us to listen to our wisdom, when perhaps in our lower state we don’t choose to listen. However if we do pay attention to the gentle and sometimes not so gentle prodding of our wisdom, the degree of gentleness depending on how deeply mired we are in our lower state of mind, the sandpaper effect of Consciousness can have a marvelous impact on our quality of life.

Just as sandpaper can be an irritant to wood, sanding off the top layer to expose a finer grain, so can Consciousness sand off our ego and negative thoughts, exposing a finer state of mind providing a new awareness of life in general. As an advanced understanding is released from within our greater Consciousness and we begin to feel better, we embark on resolving any lingering issues that were contributing to our lower state or as the case may be, our lower state contributing to our issues.

For example, Charlotte, a leadership development trainer who is learning about the Principles, has been having a difficult time with integrating her new understanding of the Principles within the framework of her traditional training modules. The techniques she is familiar with using in her classes aren’t having the same impact.

When she talks about what she has learned and experienced in regard to the Principles, her audience is more alert and attentive although there are some in the groups she works with who wonder what planet she is from. But for the most part, her combination of calmness plus passion about what she is learning fires up the group and they are interested in learning more about the new understanding she is imparting to them.

In addition to her new level of calmness and vitality, Charlotte is having better results with her clients which evoke curiosity from her colleagues. When she tries to tell them what she has learned, she gets flustered and tongue-tied, finding it difficult to explain to them the power of the Principles.

As Charlotte relates this to me during a coaching session, she is articulate in describing what is most meaningful to her about the Principles. “I see Mind, Consciousness and Thought as the foundation of my work and my life. These Principles feel right to me as if I’ve always known about them inside but didn’t know how to express them.

“I recognize that I create my experience and discerning this has empowered me to not take things so personally. People in my company are very analytical and when I’ve tried to tell them about what I’m learning and how helpful it is most of them look at me as if I’m crazy. I’ve always felt out of step and judged myself harshly creating a lot of angst for myself trying to fit into the analytical mould. After all, this is how I was trained.”

“What is your wisdom telling you about this situation?” I asked.

“I’m feeling like I’m on a see-saw. One day I feel on top of the world that I’ve discovered something as precious as the Three Principles and I love everyone I come into contact with. That’s when I see that I’m trying too hard with my colleagues. I need to just be myself and let the results of my work speak for themselves.

“When I’m on my game I see that I’m trying to mix the Principles with the traditional models of leadership development and I know that isn’t the way to go. I know these Principles stand alone because they are fundamental to human functioning and not techniques.

“The next day I am berating myself for not taking life more seriously and telling myself that I need to come to grips with reality and fit within the traditional system yet it doesn’t feel right. I can’t seem to get away from an inner feeling that life is not a technique and that to continue to use the technique oriented models is doing a disservice to my clients. To me the Principles are a gift and an inherent benefit of life. I’m just not sure how to go about sharing what I’ve learned.”

“It seems to me that you are experiencing the sandpaper effect of Consciousness,” I told Charlotte. “Your own wisdom is telling you to just be yourself in regard to sharing what you’re learning with your co-workers. When you don’t listen, it doesn’t feel good because you know better and you aren’t paying attention – hence the sandpaper irritant on your belief system that you should try harder. When you talk to me about what you’re learning, you’re clear and expressive in your description. Your words ring true. So I support your insight in trusting yourself to be who you are now and that will attract your colleagues more than anything you could say.

“You can’t integrate the Principles with traditional models or techniques. That’s why it doesn’t feel right to you. Techniques are form and static while the Principles are before form. Consciousness is alerting you to this fact. When you trust your wisdom you will find that you can talk in the moment, being relevant to your audience and the deep feeling of vitality you experience will help draw out the innate wisdom from your audience. The ensuing conversation will be pertinent and appropriate to the group providing a mental environment for insights to be gained. This is a new way of learning without a developed structure or module but more a framework being created in the moment and then let go when you’re finished with it.

“While you are on the see-saw, the sandpaper is sanding down your old belief system exposing more wisdom, supporting and sustaining your new understanding that the Principles are a gift we are endowed with to make a better life. Let me ask you this, Charlotte. What is the result of your feeling on top of the world and in love with everyone?”

Charlotte paused for a long moment as she reflected on my question. “I’m having wonderful enlightening conversations with people. I would have to say that my relationships are improving as I take things less personally. I see my enhanced relationships as the basis for deeper rapport, honesty and trust with my clients.

“I see that my clients are also developing their leadership qualities based more on relationships than on technical skills. Don’t get me wrong, their technical skills are improving as well, but it is their ability to listen more deeply to their teams with less judgment that is really creating change in their departments. Their employees are not intimidated or insecure about coming to the managers to discuss whatever needs to be discussed, success or failure. They don’t feel the need to cover their rears anymore. They have the confidence to admit when they’ve made a mistake and take responsibility for it.”

There was a silence while we both absorbed Charlotte’s comments. Suddenly, Charlotte burst out laughing. “I just realized the sandpaper effect is smoothing my clients’ rough spots into healthier states of mind too. They are learning about the Principles just as I am and becoming more aware. Their heightened awareness is leading to improved behavior, naturally, without addressing the behavior. This is so exciting! I had no idea things were going so well until I started to talk with you. Now it’s all coming to light. We’re all getting a richer patina from sanding down our rough spots. Sandpaper effect, indeed.”

Elsie Spittle

April 7, 2008

Salt Spring Island, B.C.

Redefining Maturity

A fascinating discussion with a client in relation to senior employees, in terms of age, brought about some new thinking regarding the definition of the word “maturity”. One definition from Encarta dictionary says: Mature state, the condition of being ripe, fully grown, especially mentally or emotionally. Synonyms are: adulthood, prime of life, middle age, old age, mellowness, development.

My client, Gordon, an executive coach, had been asked to work with a long term employee of a company that was considering offering early retirement to the employee. The employer used the term “maturity” as a euphemism for “old age”. The hope was that some extra coaching for the employee might pave the way to an easier exit from the company.

Gordon felt some frustration with this situation after speaking with the employee. He learned there was no real reason for early retirement other than the employee was “mature” and out of the loop of new and creative thinking. The employee wanted to remain with the company and was willing to learn whatever was necessary to help him become more what the company needed. He told Gordon that he knew he had been “putting in time” and had basically given up but he felt under-utilized and therefore was not putting out any extra energy or offering much input.

Gordon felt the company was wasting the long term employee’s talents and potential. He was taken with the idea of offering coaching both to the employer and the employee, but not as requested by the employer.

Gordon could see that if the employer and employee were educated on the Three Principles, both parties could gain a new perspective on maturity, if they chose to. He felt that if both realized their role in the thought process of creating their separate realities they would have better understanding of each other rather than reacting to their perceived reality. Gordon was eager to introduce the subject of the value of long term employees to the employer.

As Gordon and I discussed this topic, an insight occurred to us. Maturity, in the context of wisdom and Consciousness, took on new meaning. When your level of Consciousness develops, you become more aware of life in general. You recognize your role as the thinker, creating your reality every moment. You realize when your ego isn't in play, you become less reactive, less defensive, more open to new ideas. You become wiser. You feel re-charged, utilizing your potential and enjoying life more, thereby offering more to the company and of course, to your family.

This all sounds great, doesn’t it? Several of the synonyms in the first paragraph of this article express this attitude; prime of life, mellowness, development. Even the definition from the dictionary speaks to “being fully grown, especially mentally or emotionally”.

So how have we come so far from appreciating the deeper meaning of maturity, where instead of exiting people from companies for no other reason than they are “mature”, we esteem them, appreciate what they have to offer, cultivate and harvest their wisdom and experience? Where instead of managing long term employees out of the company, we help them manage their career?

There are companies who do nourish maturity in their employees, in their senior leaders, encouraging their potential, providing a safe environment where it is okay to make mistakes as long as you acknowledge the error and learn from it. Some companies actually reward their employees for admitting their mistakes, realizing that the learning gained will more than offset the cost of the error. Such companies realize that we all come to maturity, become senior citizens and may have “senior moments”.

Does that mean that those employees are of little value? It’s understandable that there are times when early retirement may be the way to go and that employee and employer are in agreement. I suggest, when possible, the consideration be based on mutual accord, not on whether the employee is considered too mature simply because the rate of response may not be as fast as someone less mature.

I also understand that in some cases it may be necessary to exit employees in terms of reducing company size because of changes in the industry or other issues. Often in these situations, the mature employees may be the first to go. I’m not suggesting that the logic of this action is always inappropriate. I’m simply suggesting we take a fresh look and gain new perspective to see whether we helping our senior employees to manage their careers or are we managing them out of the work force?

The companies that are progressive in their thinking regarding the maturing population understand that if senior moments of forgetfulness are not focused on, those moments will usually pass more rapidly, with clear thinking returning. They know that having respect for our senior citizens, for their wisdom and experience inherent in the accumulation of years, will pay off in the long run. The sense of loyalty to the company, the willingness to do what it takes, the strong work ethic, all these things contribute to a valued, mature employee, productively contributing to the company’s bottom line.

Many of the baby boom population is taking advantage of early retirement. More power to them! But let it be by choice, not be decree.

Elsie Spittle

February 1, 2008

Salt Spring Island, B. C.

Truth Does Not Sleep

Just as nature has seasons, spring, summer, fall and winter, it seems to me, so do human beings. As I was walking this morning through the newly fallen snow, crunching satisfyingly underfoot, my thoughts wandered freely. Why do human souls fall asleep? Why don’t we continue to grow at a nice steady pace, gaining new inner knowledge that guides our lives forward, with more well-being? It sounds like I’m asking a lot, I know.

I can’t say that I came up with an answer. It seems it just is. Perhaps as in nature, a dormant period is required for plants and some animals to rest. In the spring as the weather warms, seeds sprout and grow; animals awaken from hibernation hungry for food. Perhaps there is some parallel in humans; a period of rest, then upon awakening once again, a time of hunger for new inner information to feed the soul.

One thing that has become apparent to me is that Truth never sleeps. Although our mental understanding may stagnate for a time, underneath, deep within, wisdom is alive and well, waiting to be released.

Our ego plays a big part in hindering the process of inner growth. What is so amazing and humorous about this statement is that ego is really an illusion, made up of our thoughts about who we are. Our ego is what we think of as our identity, what we’ve accomplished, and an image of self-esteem.

Beyond ego lies true self-esteem encapsulated within inner wisdom, a natural outcome of Universal Mind. Consciousness seems to be intertwined with Mind in helping us to become aware that as we entertain ego thoughts, our feelings are not positive. Our feelings are reflections of our thoughts so if we harbour thoughts of competition, of jealousy, envy and so on, we will be filled with parallel feelings. This is not a place I care to live in although it is a place I am familiar with.

To know that we have the free will to use the neutral power of Thought to create any experience, positive or negative, healthy or unhealthy, is quite remarkable. The knowledge informs our decisions helping us to make wiser choices, to think healthier. Instead of being a victim of circumstances, we realize that we always have a choice. Knowing we have a choice brings clarity and stops us from hibernating in old patterns of thought.

What I do appreciate more and more is the fact that Truth is never asleep. Even when our ego seems in control, deep within us there is a “knowing” that we have fallen into a pit of our own making. An illusionary pit, to be sure, but because we use thought to create our experience, the pit can feel very, very real.

Is this knowledge helpful? I would say it is very useful. At the very least, it prevents us from wallowing in the pit for too long. The best thing about knowing that Truth never sleeps is that you always get a second chance. If you have the honesty and humility to acknowledge that you have been sleeping, that you have become static in your inner knowledge, then once again, miraculously it seems, you continue your inner journey.

As you move forward into new learning, it’s as if your mental landscape has been softened, made more malleable so that seeds of insight burst into the open and then flower.

As my walk progressed and the sun rose overhead, the snow began to melt. Drops of water lightly fell from the cedar boughs as I walked beneath. Patches of meadow lay exposed to the clear blue sky.

In like manner, the warmth of wisdom melts the confining patterns of thought, revealing clarity of mind. A feeling of gratitude emerges as I continue my journey, sweeping through me, enveloping me so that my heart swells with emotion. Indeed, Truth never sleeps. It lays waiting deep within, waiting for the ego to thaw and innate wisdom to manifest.

The roots of knowledge are deep and provide stability. The strong roots allow us to be buffeted by the winds of change knowing that we will be okay as long as we stick to the fundamentals of who and what we really are. If we can see the human spirit is connected to Universal Mind, I don’t think we can go far from the pathway to discovering more of our inner resources and living in well-being.

Elsie Spittle

December 1, 2007

Salt Spring Island, B.C.

The Many Faces of Rapport

Is it possible to have rapport with someone you may not like? Is it possible to have rapport with someone that you may not trust? These questions came out in a group discussion regarding the merits of rapport in the context of organizational leadership.

Colin: “It seems to me that if you don’t like someone it would be impossible to have rapport with them. As far as not trusting someone and still having rapport with them, I can’t see that. That is an unreasonable notion.” Many heads nodded in agreement and voiced the same opinion.

Diane: “I’m just thinking – if we look at rapport in the context of the Three Principles, the definition of rapport is seeing beyond behaviour to the innate mental health in people– so if we were seeing beyond not liking or trusting someone wouldn’t that give us the ability to have a rapport with them? I don’t know, I’m just asking.”

Stuart: “I think of rapport as a warm and fuzzy feeling. How can you have that with someone you don’t like or respect?”

Colin: “Yeah!”

Diane: “As we’re talking it occurs to me that there have been a few occasions when I’ve felt a sort of neutral rapport for someone I didn’t necessary like or trust. The neutral feeling was more a feeling of understanding, where I saw beyond their behaviour to their core, to the humanity of the individual. As I recall when I felt that neutrality, there wasn’t a question of like or dislike, trust or mistrust, it was just neutral. I wasn’t engaged in judging their behaviour or attached to outcome.”

Stuart: “When you say neutral, it feels cold and standoffish. That’s not how I think of rapport.”

Diane: “Think of your vehicle idling in neutral gear. The gear isn’t wearing itself out and so it lasts longer and performs better. That is how I see having a more neutral state of mind and having more understanding of people without taking things so personally. Then I’m not so demanding of people but I still see their potential. I speak more to their potential then I do to their behaviour and their behaviour and work performance improves.”

Colin: “Nonsense!”

Diane: “Ah come on, Colin. I heard you the other day talking to your grandson on the phone. You told me later that he had an accident with your truck, that he had been drinking and ran into the ditch. You said no one had been hurt but the vehicle had a lot of damage. You were so good with him on the phone. You didn’t lose your temper; you let him know he was responsible for fixing the damage and that you would be talking with him later. I thought how you handled him was wonderful.”

Colin: “Yeah, but he’s my grandson and I like him. I may not trust him with the truck for a while. . .

Stuart: “I think I can see where Diane is heading. You saw beyond your grandkid’s behaviour and you talked to the grown up part of him, in terms of his responsibility for fixing the truck. But you didn’t lose your temper. In other words, you kept rapport with him.”

Colin: “I tell you that is a completely different situation. He’s my grandson.”

Diane: “But suppose you could have that feeling of neutrality with more of your employees? Wouldn’t that be helpful?”

Colin: “I’m out of here. I’ve gotta go back to work.”

Stuart to Diane after Colin leaves the room. “Well, Colin certainly took our conversation to heart, didn’t he?”

Diane: “I think he was ticked off, I don’t know about his taking anything we said to heart.”

Stuart: “The way you kept your rapport with Colin impressed me, Diane. You walked your talk. And Colin is a good guy. I’ve known him a long time and I know he’ll be thinking over our discussion. Give him some time. I’ve found our conversation thought provoking and look forward to our next meeting.”

Elsie Spittle

November 1, 2007

Salt Spring Island, B.C.

Being in Integrity

The title of this article came from an interesting phone conversation I had with a client, Paul. Our conversation elicited insights for both of us. We were discussing the spiritual nature of the Three Principles and how important it is to reflect on what the Principles are rather then what the Principles do. Paul is a department manager at a manufacturing plant. He is keen to introduce the Principles to his team but uncertain how to explain them.

“I find it difficult to articulate the Three Principles to my team,” Paul related. “The results I’ve experienced in my life are transformative but when I try to tell others I end up making a mess of it. Some of my team have commented on the difference in my leadership style. They tell me that I listen more and am less reactive. My lead supervisor asked if I’d had some special education that they had not heard about. They kid me about my level of calmness, saying that a bomb could go off and I’d calmly tell them to vacate the premises. I know there is interest in how I’ve achieved the level of calmness and the ability to manage my employees better. Yet when they ask me how I’ve accomplished and sustained what they call my “unflappable” state of mind, I find myself getting very wordy and complex in my explanation. Their eyes cross and soon they find something else to do. I’m just about at my wits end! I want to be in integrity to what I know and what I feel. Do you have any advice?”

“What has been most meaningful to you about the Three Principles?” I asked.

“Hmm. Good question. I’d have to say the first thing that struck me was the realization that my thoughts create my reality. I, as so many others, believed that circumstances created my reality and I had to deal with the situation as best I could. Usually there was only one way to deal with life. It was my way or the highway. Needless to say, this rough approach to life caused me a good deal of difficulty with my family and to be honest, created push back at the plant with my colleagues and the workforce.

“Once I had my eyes opened to the fact that I create my experience by the way I view life, my perspective shifted and so did my experience. My understanding of how people function also took a giant leap and I stopped taking things so personally. I could see that people were doing the best they could, given their thinking in the moment, so I responded rather than reacted.”

“Why don’t you share with your team what you just shared with me? You were brief and articulate in your description. I didn’t find you wordy or complex.”

There was a long pause as Paul pondered my comment. “It’s when I come to describe what the Principles are that I get into trouble. I have such a deep feeling that the Principles are spiritual in nature, that they operate before the form of behaviour and experience. But there is no way I can explain that to my team – nor do I care to delve into the spiritual aspect of life with my team at work. It doesn’t seem appropriate. It feels like I would be pushing religion or something like that. I don’t consider myself religious but there are many at work that are and I wouldn’t want to step on their toes.”

I could see that Paul was struggling with the dilemma of being true to what he feels and at the same time having respect for the beliefs of other people, particularly in a work environment where there may be many different religions. I considered him to be a honest and sensitive man.

“I understand that, Paul. I’m not suggesting that you do so. However there is a way you can convey there is something deeper to life than the form of behavior. To do so, you must listen deeply and observe where you can make a connection.

“I mean connect the spiritual nature of the Principles to something in your teams’ experience to provide relevance. For example: when I was given a tour of your manufacturing plant I observed a huge hydraulic press at work. A magnetic arm picked up a flat piece of metal, placed it on a form of a door, the magnetic arm pulled back, the hydraulic press came down and shaped a door from the flat piece of metal. The hydraulic energy created a form out of the metal. You can’t see the hydraulic energy but you see the results of the energy. In the same way, you can’t see the Universal energy of Thought, but you see the results of the energy via our thoughts that shape our experience.”

There was a deep silence as Paul considered my example. “What you say is very interesting. I never thought of that. It makes sense. I can see a link between the hydraulic energy and the form of the door that was shaped by the usage of the hydraulic energy. It’s clear to me,” there was a long pause then he continued, “but as soon as I start to think about it, the understanding vanished. Isn’t that curious,” Paul noted.

“Your intellect is slower than an insight. Just absorb your insight and don’t over think it. Just let it marinate and . . .

Paul broke in excitedly. “You know what just occurred to me? An idea is pure energy. You don’t see the idea until you take action and bring the idea to life.”

“That’s right. An idea is a thought and we have the power to make a thought real. You can’t see the thought but you see the results of the thought.”

“This is fascinating. Something else came to mind. As an engineer I was taught the engineering principle of Force equals Mass plus Acceleration. The equation is: F = M A. You can’t see the Force, which is pure energy but if you were hit by a truck you’d sure feel it!”

We both burst out laughing at the absurdity and at the same time the profundity of our conversation. A natural silence ensued and we could hear each other breathing on the phone. Then Paul ended the quiet reflection. “I need time to absorb this conversation. I’ve never gone so deep into the spiritual nature of the Principles and connected them to so many other things, like engineering principles. Could we carry on this conversation in a week or so?”

“Absolutely,” I agreed. “I also need time to soak up our discussion.” We scheduled a time and concluded our call.

The next day I spoke with Sydney Banks, the originator of the Three Principles, and shared some of the conversation with him, no names or specific details, just the general talk on different aspects of formless energy. I was still quite excited about the exchange between my client and me and blathered on to Syd about hydraulic energy. He listened without interruption with an enigmatic look on his face and when I finally stopped for breath, he looked keenly at me and said, “The energy you are talking about is not formless. Hydraulic energy still has form but it comes from Universal energy that has no form. Everything comes from Universal energy.”

“Oh”, I responded, feeling chastened without knowing why. “I don’t understand.”

“Yes, I know”, responded Syd kindly. “Don’t worry about it. It sounds like a fascinating conversation. Just know there is more, much more to learn.”

After the chat with Syd my mind ruminated over what he had said about hydraulic energy coming from Universal energy, before the form of all things. My brain struggled to comprehend his statement until finally I gave up, realizing that I was mentally tired and thus a signal that I was trying to figure it out rather than trusting insight.

I decided to go for a walk to clear my head and all of a sudden, I felt an excitement course through my veins. It didn’t matter that I didn’t understand what Syd talked about. It was the feeling I got just considering the depth of what he was saying. The power of his words opened my mind and that was sufficient. An open mind is a mind ready for insight. I almost skipped home, happy to be learning something new. I was not able to define what that something new was and I didn’t care. I trusted that the learning would reveal itself to me in good time.

Paul and I carried on our discussion soon after my chat with Syd. I related to Paul the best I could my new learning regarding all energy like hydraulic, magnetic, electricity and so on comes from Universal energy which is before the form of the other energies. I was clear with him that I didn’t really understand but knew there was more to it than I could articulate. I suggested he read Syd’s latest book, “The Enlightened Gardener Revisited” which talks a great deal about Universal energy.

Paul mentioned he had already read it since our last conversation and found it very exciting. He noted that the book was one he would treasure and read again and again. “I have something to share with you,” Paul went on. “I’ve been able to talk with my group much more easily. I don’t even think about what I’m going to say anymore. It just comes naturally.

“I don’t dwell on the spiritual nature of the Principles but somehow I make my point in ways that captivate my team. It amazes me that when you take the time to listen and to talk deeply with people, most have a sense there is more to life than the physical manifestation. They just don’t talk much about it. This morning our group conversation went to a very deep level and the group wants more. We’ve decided to meet regularly once a month just to explore the Three Principles and the insights we’ve gained. I feel like I’ve we’re on the road to success.” Joyous laughter came from Paul and I joined him in delight.

Hopefully more people will acknowledge there is more to life than what we see. To acknowledge our true source can only bring more knowledge and who can say no to that?

Elsie Spittle

Revised November 12, 2007

Salt Spring Island, B.C.

Roller Coaster Summer

This summer has been an interesting time with emotions peaking and ebbing as the stomach peaks and ebbs on a roller coaster ride. I’ve never enjoyed roller coasters! However, I must say that the learning gained, spiritually and mentally, has made the emotional ride worthwhile.

To begin with, I decided to take the summer off, save for a few phone coaching calls with long term clients. I’ve not had the privilege of summer off in many, many years. Not traveling on business was a welcome respite from a busy year journeying to various training locations throughout the States and New Zealand. Much as I enjoyed the adventure of sharing the message of the Three Principles approach to life and work, I found myself needing a rest. Yet it took a bit of an adjustment to really relax into my time off. Guilt was a factor – did I deserve to take all that time off? Was I letting down my clients? Would I forget what I had learned? Would I lose my competency and be left behind other practitioners?

Foolish questions, aren’t they? Yet in a moment of insecurity, guilt reared its’ ugly head and ego superseded wisdom for a time; happily, not for long. As I moved past my uncertainty, I relished the time I had with my husband, Ken, and enjoyed our garden and home like never before. My mind filled with beauty and peace, cosmic humor came into play and life became an absolute pleasure. Being with family and friends took on new meaning, imbued with love.

During this time, Ken contemplated taking early retirement. We discussed the idea at length, Ken researched the numbers and decided that he would make the leap. At first, everything seemed to flow and we were elated at the prospect of having more time together, to travel, to leisurely beautify our retirement home and simply to enjoy life.

Then several unexpected issues cropped up that put a damper on our elation. In order for Ken to receive his pension from the United States, where we had resided for almost two decades, he would have to resign from our business and could no longer work for the company, even part time. It took awhile for the information to make its way past my delight in the fact that Ken was taking a much deserved retirement. Finally the penny dropped and both Ken and I took a dip on the roller coaster. What a ride! Way down! It took a couple of negative interactions between us and getting our emotions burned before we realized this mental arena was not where we wanted to be.

Then common sense took over, we approached our accountant and came up with solutions to the matters before us. There is nothing quite like a dip south to wake up the senses, to re-engage the soul and to make one grateful for understanding that we have the ability to create experience. I hate to think how long we might have lingered in the heat of our emotions if we had not some foundation in realizing the power of thought in creating mental distress. We could have ended up deciding that Ken not take early retirement and spoiling what was to become a highlight of our life together – the gateway to our “golden years”.

Along with the subject of Ken’s early retirement came the matter of Ken’s mother needing more care and attention. Mom is ninety-four years young, a free spirit she calls herself, and we agree with her. She is frail, uses a cane and walker, but is feisty, independent thinking and unaware that she needed more care. She has Vascular Dementia and her cognition is limited. Mom had been living in an assisted living residence on Vancouver Island. After many incidents of wandering away from her residence and often getting lost and being brought back by some kind soul, the straw that broke the camel’s back was when Mom was escorted back to her residence by two young police officers. Mom quite enjoyed the ride and the attention until she received a scolding from the staff. She told them in no uncertain terms, “I am a free spirit and will go for a walk if I want to!”

The staff let us know that it was time to make other plans for moving Mom to a secure facility where she would no longer have the freedom to leave the residence without someone accompanying her. After researching various facilities in different areas, we were delighted to find that we could bring her to the Island, to a residence close to us, where we could pop in and visit, have her over for dinner and take her for rides around our beautiful area. It seemed an answer to all our prayers.

We were given advice on how to share this new information with Mom. We were told that at her age and with her limited cognition, that change of any sort is very frightening. It was suggested that we just take her in the car, get her into the other facility, and then tell her about the change. This didn’t feel right to Ken and me. We decided to play things by ear and be in the moment as much as possible.

We found Mom finishing her breakfast, enjoying a last cup of coffee, surrounded by her table mates. Ken and I looked at one another, should we wait till she was alone or jump right in? Ken started the ball rolling by letting her know that we had come to take her to Salt Spring and that we had found another residence for her, an intermediate care facility close to us. We described the beautiful gardens in her new residence, shared our delight that she would be close to us. She took us totally by surprise, saying, “You’ve made me the happiest woman on earth. When do we leave?”

We picked up a few items that Mom would need, giving her time to say her good-byes to her friends then off we went. We would come back another day to clean up the rest of her suite. Mom was ecstatic to be moving close to us and we were relieved at how gentle this transition was to her new home. She did not question us then or later about her things and what we should do with them. The matter was not in her world and was left to us to deal with.

When we brought her into her new home, she was fine. We introduced her to the staff, had lunch with her in the dining area and she was still fine. When we took her into the lounge where other resident were sitting, some quite glazed over and in another world, she started to get quiet. We took her to her room and left her to rest for a couple of hours. It was like leaving your child at kindergarten, when they are doubtful about staying.

When we went back that evening, her state of mind had changed and she realized where she was. Mom was furious with us, berated us for leaving her there and telling us in no uncertain terms that she would not stay “in a loony bin”. We tried to calm her down, explaining that while there were some residents who were out of it mentally, there were others who she would be able to socialize with, but to no avail. Finally we left again, saying we would be back in the morning.

Mom was in no better spirits in the morning, again accusing us of all kinds of things, telling us she would rather be dead than live there. We did not take her behaviour personally, knowing that she was responding out of fear. We just poured the love onto Mom and pointed out the advantages of being close to us so we could see her more often and that the care provided in the facility was top rated. We acknowledged that it was not easy or pleasant seeing how dazed some of the residents were but also pointed out that they seemed at peace, were not agitated and this was something to be grateful for.

At that moment, one of the woman residents sitting at another table came up to Mom and patting her on the shoulder, said, “My name is Ellen. This is really quite a nice place. You’ll like it. The food is great, the gardens are beautiful and the staff is wonderful. If you want to talk, just come to me.” Both Ken and I were so touched by her kindness that we were moved to tears. Mom acknowledged Ellen with a shaky smile.

We were told by the staff and also found the information in the booklet given to us, alerting us to the phases of change and time of acceptance that this type of transition takes. The booklet said it could take anywhere from four to six weeks, up to six months for residents to adjust to living in their new home. Ken and I read the document but did not buy into the categorization. Intuitively we felt that if we consistently looked to Mom’s innate mental health rather than categorize her behaviour and justify the behavior by reinforcing the phases and times of adjustment, there would be a better result. As a matter of fact, we weren’t looking for outcome. We just consistently pointed to health and positivity because it felt better, for Mom and for us.

Mom adjusted in three days. On the third day when we went to visit her she threw open her arms and embraced us, telling us how happy she was to see us. We walked past some residents on our way to the gardens and Mom commented on one resident who was sitting staring into space, “Poor soul.” There was compassion in her voice and that compassion has continued. In three days, her state of mind had moved from anger, feelings of betrayal, fear and resistance, to compassion. How did this occur?

Another observation about Mom is that as her brain functions and synapses deteriorate, her long held negativity has lessened. She has become more loving as her dementia has taken away her more recent memories. Childhood memories were more positive and she regales us with fond stories from that era. She is living in a world of her making, most of it positive and enjoyable. She takes an absolute delight in our car rides, admiring nature and adoring dessert! There is a childlike quality about her reality, an unselfconsciousness that is endearing to us.

I would never have thought there was anything positive about dementia but seeing is believing. We see with Mom that there is something that transcends the brain. There is something at work beyond the physical functions of the brain. Could this something be the innate wisdom that is the spiritual essence of each and every human being? I don’t pretend to have the answer – the only thing that I can share is my observation that there is something that transcends the brain. I leave it to you to consider.

A roller coaster summer indeed! There is something to be said for stirring up your senses and letting your understanding settle on a new perspective.

Elsie Spittle

September 1, 2007

Salt Spring Island, B.C.

Relevance versus Packaging

New Zealand guide books refer to their country as the Creator’s personal retreat, Godzone, usually spoken as God’s own country. Some people think the expression is a bit pretentious but as a first-time visitor to this incredible land, I found it truly magnificent and worthy of the term. I tried to capture the beauty with my digital camera and found I could not do it justice so I enjoyed the stunning scenery with my eyes and stored the images in memory.

I saw mountains on the horizon, interspersed by emerald green rolling hills, terraced by cattle and sheep wearing ridges in the steep land. I saw beautiful azure seas stretching out to islands jutting out of the ocean. I’ve never seen such diversity and abundance of flora and fauna that astonished me with their variety; roses, honeysuckle, hibiscus, bougainvillea, and snail vine with its’ intoxicating fragrance, to name just a few, growing together in harmony. Vegetables are bursting with health, their color and flavor intense. Dairy products are rich and creamy, from contented, grass fed cows.

The people I met at the two retreats I conducted in New Zealand were fascinating, very independent, opinionated, passionate about what they believe in, and warmly hospitable. Some were challenging in a respectful manner, not quick to jump on the bandwagon of new thinking, assessing new ideas with consideration. Then when insights occurred there was greater acceptance that there was something new to discover, something new to learn, something beneficial.

The experiences I shared with the group I met at the first retreat are featured in the Wisdom for Life article “Feed Them Salt”, March 13, 2007.

The group in the second retreat indicated a desire to go “deeper” into understanding the Three Principles. They had been learning about their inner wisdom for several years and had experienced many changes in their lives. Now they were eager for more.

I also was eager to meet the group and to go “deeper”. In my anticipation of “deeper”, I didn’t hear that they were more curious about “packaging” the Principles. I dismissed their attempts to discuss this topic, letting them know that as they gained more understanding they would know that it wasn’t necessary to package the Principles. “As a matter of fact,” I told the group, “you cannot package the Principles. They are formless Energy.”

Several in the group persisted in exploring the idea of having some sort of structure around the Principles in order to make them more understandable to their clients, colleagues, employees and so on. They stressed the fact that a structure or package would make abstract Principles easier to understand.

I had a moment of frustration in wanting to move past this topic to something deeper. The feeling of frustration alerted me to the fact that I had an expectation of how the program should go and the expectation was getting in the way of my listening to the group. It took an insight to turn my hearing on so I could hear that they needed to have some relevance.

As “relevance” popped into my mind, I asked the group if the word “relevance” could be another way of expressing “packaging”. They pondered this idea for a moment and then agreed. I could see that several people really clicked to the idea of relevance and all of a sudden, insights started to occur to them about seeing what was needed to be in service to their clients and colleagues.

They saw that the first thing they needed to do was to listen more deeply to their clients to assess their needs. Then they would be able to connect their needs to the Principles. The connection would make the point of how the Principles create our experiences and would bring relevance to the discussion.

What I mean by relevance is connecting something that is important to those you are speaking with to the new information you want to introduce. By making a connection between something that is familiar to the group, i.e. structure, with something that is unfamiliar, i.e., the Principles, you bridge the gap between the known and unknown.

In other words, what the group began to realize at the retreat is the relevance of the psychological fact that we are the Principles in action. They saw that the Principles are not techniques to be applied but are inherent in each human being. The group also saw they would be able to construct the packaging if they could listen beyond their preconceived ideas. They discerned that their ability to listen deeply would provide relevance between the Principles and whatever else was needed to point people in a healthy direction.

Put these factors together, the understanding of the Principles as well as the deep listening; then you have the relevance, as well as the packaging. You have the acuity and the wisdom to know what to say in any given moment. You have the ability to create a form to showcase the Principles. You begin to see that the Principles are an invisible structure that we use to create form. You are the formless creating the form by your ability to think. When you become aware of this inner process, you are becoming more conscious and are more closely aligned with Mind.

As these thoughts emerged in our group, one participant pointed out, “While we were trying to go deeper, trying prevented us from doing so. Once we stopped trying, the deepening of our understanding happened naturally.” We all agreed and could see that we were going “deeper” into our mental and spiritual understanding of how the Principles operate, as well as understanding more deeply what the Principles are.

We began to get a glimmer of seeing beyond time, space and matter. The notion of seeing beyond time, space and matter, an insight by Sydney Banks, has always intrigued me but was totally beyond my comprehension. For the first time in New Zealand, I began to get a feeling that when I was in the moment, just “being”, that this feeling was beyond time, space and matter.

The feeling felt natural and I found a deeper peace and contentment in my own company. The feeling was coming from within me, not because of anything, it just was.

There was a timeless moment of lying on the beach and feeling my bones melt into the sand. Utter peace descended upon me. Then I heard a dog bark and sat up, observing the animal frolicking on the shore. With a sudden burst of speed, it bounded after some seagulls as they flew out of reach. Undeterred, the dog suddenly changed direction, leaping toward his master, who was calling him to heel. Off they wandered, in their own world, content to be together.

Another timeless moment in New Zealand: I attended with friends an outdoor concert, “A Carnival of Music - With the Stars Under the Stars”, featuring Dame Malvina Major. As Cultural Ambassador she has performed at many New Zealand Embassies throughout the world and was named New Zealand Entertainer of the year in 1992.

It was a casual affair starting in the late afternoon, people bringing picnic baskets or dinner boxes to enjoy. Some were reclining on blankets, others lounging comfortably in canvas camping chairs. There was an air of excitement as people greeted one another, visiting groups here and there. Soon the sky darkened and we were entertained by first class performers. It was a spellbinding evening and as we wound our way home, my host and hostess pulled over and drove up a dark rural road so I could see the Southern Cross. We emerged from the car, under a black velvet sky sparkling with diamonds. A night owl hooted welcoming us to his territory. The Milky Way formed a pathway across part of the sky – so dense that you felt you could reach up and touch it. Sighting the Southern Cross, the four points clearly identified, brought an end to our magical evening.

The feeling of timelessness persisted throughout my stay in God’s country. There were times of feeling beyond space and matter, not conscious of space or matter, just being. I know that this feeling is readily available to me now that I have experienced it more deeply. This feeling is readily available to us all. God’s country is inside us all.

Elsie Spittle

April 13, 2007

Salt Spring Island, B.C.

Feed Them Salt

“But how do we get there? How do we get to our innate mental health?” implored a young woman, a participant in a retreat. “I’m trying so hard to understand but I don’t get it,” she declared, with an edge to her voice. “What are the techniques or steps to “get” to the innate mental health that you are talking about?”

I understood her frustration as I had experienced the same when I first was introduced to the Three Principles. The simplicity of the Principles overrode my intellect and added to my confusion. I could see that the young woman questioning me about how to “get” it was in the same boat.

I reiterated that the Three Principles - Mind, the Universal power behind life; Consciousness, the ability to be aware that we create our experience; and Thought, the ability to create our experience via our thinking - are the pathway to our innate health or wisdom. Still the young woman struggled to understand.

“There is nothing we need to do to get the Principles for the simple reason that we already are the Principles in action,” I pointed out. “The Principles are inherent in every human being. The harder we try, the more distant the Principles seem. The “trying” erects a barrier to the natural resiliency of our innate wisdom. Have patience, listen to the stories that are being shared, and perhaps one of the stories will prompt an insight for you. An insight is a direct experience of your wisdom.”

Meeting a new group of people in New Zealand who attended a retreat I was invited to conduct brought many fresh occurrences my way. For the most part, the group was unfamiliar with the Three Principles understanding and as the day progressed, the group experienced some confusion as well as curiosity. However, as I related examples of how other people had changed and the impact of their transformation on those around them, both at home and in the workplace, people’s interest was aroused.

I remember a pastor telling me that the way he engaged people was to “feed them salt”. Instantly my curiosity was aroused and I queried him about his statement. “I tell stories that give people hope. The stories are the salt. The stories make people thirsty for more knowledge and they listen more intently.” I loved his explanation, as that is something that we as trainers in the Principles understanding, also learned to value.

When people listen attentively, they are being in the moment, present to hear their own wisdom emerge from within. Being in the moment is an enjoyable, relaxing experience. As people relax, they find it is easy and natural to learn via insight. Because we have been conditioned to learn using our memory and intellect, learning through insight can throw us for a loop. Our educational system is primarily based on learning by study and repetition, by absorbing information through the intellect. This is fine except when the intellectual process gets in the way of learning something deeper; something called innate wisdom.

At the retreat the participants’ intellect was running head long into the unknown realm of wisdom. They had no signposts to guide them other than feelings of curiosity and enjoyment. These deeper feelings helped to calm and open their minds for new insights. I knew that as the two-day program progressed, some of the people would have new thoughts that would be helpful to them and to the others as they shared their insights with the group. They would begin to see the value of their thinking slowing down enough to let in new information from within their own consciousness.

As I strolled along the beautiful white sand beach after the first day of the retreat I noticed a young father tending his small child in the playground. I sat on a nearby stretch of lawn, leaned back against a tree and observed the happy family. The wee tyke had barely learned to walk, tottering precariously on chubby legs. He fell on his well-padded bottom, squeezed his face up and howled his indignant protest. Dad patiently picked him up, dusted him off, and cuddled him to his waist. Putting the child into a toddler size swing, he gently pushed him to and fro. Soon the child has forgotten his tears and was chortling with glee, totally engrossed in the moment, living life to the fullest. The child and father were using the Three Principles in the healthiest manner, without even knowing it. Yet, naturally, effectively living a life of pure pleasure in that moment of time.

Noticing the family being so in the moment brought to mind my arrival in New Zealand at 6 a.m. the previous Monday. My friends met me at the airport at this early hour and in my excitement at being in a new country, jet lag wasn’t really an issue. Prior to my arrival, I really wondered how jet lag would affect me. I had a 14- hour flight, leaving Vancouver to fly to Los Angeles, then 3 hours layover in LA prior to an all night flight, without much sleep, to Auckland. I thought I would be a wreck. To my pleasant surprise, I felt quite well.

My friends drove me to a wonderful vantage point, high above the city, to see the fantastic view of the surrounding area, small islands dotted in the turquoise water, palm trees swaying gracefully in the breeze. It was an incredible start to my month long stay in New Zealand.

Once we arrived at my hosts’ home and I had time to freshen up before a beautifully prepared breakfast, my friends asked if I would care to join them on their friends’ 41-foot cruiser yacht for a trip out in the bay where we would anchor and have lunch. I thought I heard my hosts say, “tomorrow”, so I quickly acquiesced, thinking that this would give me time to rest and then I could really enjoy the cruise. I noticed that my friends were rushing a bit through breakfast but didn’t think too much about it until it was suggested that I finish my coffee as we were due to leave to meet their friends on the beach There they would pick us up in the dinghy and take us to the yacht anchored further out from shore.

“I thought we were going out tomorrow!” I exclaimed. I did a double take as I heard my friends say, “No, the invitation to cruise and have lunch is for today!” Soon I found myself being motored in the dinghy out to the yacht and clambering aboard the magnificent cruiser. I held on to my straw hat as the captain retrieved the anchor and we sped off leaving a wake of white waves and the shore behind. I discovered that my jet lag also was left behind! I forgot about it as I was going on my new adventure of seeing New Zealand from the sea. In my total enjoyment of the cruise, feeling the sea mist on my face, seeing the incredibly beautiful rolling hills of surrounding land, with sheep and cattle dotting the landscape, I was deeply moved. My hosts and their friends demonstrated the warm New Zealand hospitality that they are famous for. I felt right at home, in the moment.

The whole experience of arriving in New Zealand and my comfort level with whatever was going on gave me a fresh appreciation for the power of being in the moment. Not just for the sheer enjoyment of “being” but for the inner clarity that came to me because my mind was so quiet. I had new insights that helped me understand certain situations that had been bothering me. Stress vanished. There was no room for stress in the moment.

Being in the moment was a topic that captured the interest of the group at the retreat. Some had difficulty relating to the power and value of insights and understanding that insights occurred in the moment when your mind is quiet. Yet on the second day of the retreat, as their minds got quieter, there were a number of people who realized that in the past, they had had spontaneous creative ideas that were of great benefit. One manager, who was also a marathon runner, recalled a time when he was running and new ideas occurred to him for an article he was writing. He was quite taken with the idea that you can nurture a quiet, calm state of mind where insights happen more of the time.

That story brought out another example by a woman executive who loved to swim. “I often think of solutions to problems when I’m swimming and I have nothing on my mind. The ideas just seem to pop into my head. But I never thought you could cultivate this process. Is this what you’re talking about when you keep pointing us to our innate health? Is that where insights come from?” I suggested she wait and see if she could answer her own questions at the end of the retreat. She smiled and said, “I know the answer already.”

One business leader who had arrived the first day of the retreat, with a tight face, stressed and uneasy, visibly underwent a transformation during the night. When he entered the room on the second day, we were all surprised at how his face and demeanor had changed. He was relaxed, loose, and at ease. Even his clothes reflected his new state of mind. When asked what had happened and what he had realized, he really couldn’t articulate what he had learned. The most he could say was, “I realized that I and my wife have experienced some of what you have been talking about but I didn’t know that we all had innate health, that it is natural. For some reason, this had made a big difference to me. I feel I can count on this to help me when the going gets tough.”

A management consultant had this realization. “I’ve been waiting for an insight to happen and really trying to be patient but it wasn’t working. It wasn’t until I went for a walk on the beach, noticing the shells, and enjoying having time to myself, the first in quite some time, that I had an insight. It surprised me, coming out of nowhere. I realized that I’ve been too busy. I live two blocks from the sea and this is the first time in a long time that I’ve walked on the beach. I’ve been too busy to take time to enjoy life and life has been passing me by. I’ve been waiting for insights and insights have been passing me by – until I slowed down and enjoyed the moment. Then without thinking or trying, insight happened. It is amazing to see that you really don’t have to do anything to “get” the Three Principles understanding. Just “being” is enough. Just “being” is like feeding people salt. It makes you thirsty for more!”

The retreat ended with people feeling thoughtful and reflective, some still not certain what they had learned, but glad to have had their minds aerated. One of the managers said, “At the very least, I am questioning my assumptions of how life works. I do see that I have been very set in my ways. But other than that I don’t know what I’ve gained.” There were a few chuckles as many felt that for the manager to even question his beliefs showed courage and an open mind. At that point, wisdom is doing its’ job, opening the door to new insights, making people thirsty for more.

Elsie Spittle

March 6, 2007

Salt Spring Island, B. C.

From Source of Irritation to Superstar

The dynamics of how people change are fascinating. Sometimes the change happens in the subtlest way. The catalyst can be a mentally healthy person conversing, from a non-judgmental position, with an individual who is living in a world of stress. The innate health emanating from one individual has the power to touch the psychological health of the person who is stressed. This is quite a remarkable capacity for a human being to have. And the interesting thing is, we all have the capacity to impact others in a healthy or unhealthy manner.

Let me give you an example. Carolyn is a chemical engineer, very bright and very competent in what she does. However, her interactions with her colleagues leave something to be desired. She is critical of her co-workers, demanding of her support staff, and brooks no nonsense from anyone, including her boss. Many in her department feel Carolyn is a source of irritation.

At the same time, Carolyn is sensitive to the nuances of tension coming from her co-workers and takes this as a sign of disrespect toward her. She feels her co-workers are rude, inattentive and uncooperative. Carolyn does not understand what she contributes to the situation. She doesn’t hear herself being disrespectful to those around her, in her tone of voice when she speaks to them and in her tendency to be accusatory when things aren’t done according to her standards. Carolyn is like a fish in a fish bowl, seeing only her world through her eyes and she is not open to others’ perspectives or opinions.

One of Carolyn’s co-workers, Tony, has had Three Principles training and is in a very healthy state of mind. Being mentally healthy, Tony’s presence and conversation offer Carolyn some respite from her irritating attitude, giving her a mental break from her exasperating habits. The irony of the situation is that Carolyn’s unhealthy conduct unconsciously stresses her as well as irritating others.

But Tony does not take Carolyn’s manner personally and sees beyond her behavior to the heart of his friend; he sees that Carolyn, like everyone, has the potential for mental health. Consequently Tony is able to maintain a healthy relationship with Carolyn. He sees her psychological innocence in that Carolyn is unaware of her annoying habit of treating people with apparent disdain. So Tony feels compassion for her. In his compassion, he has no judgment and the neutrality of feeling provides a working environment that allows Carolyn to naturally feel better, even without understanding why her stress is decreasing.

Their conversations occasionally touch on the principle of Thought and how our thoughts create our behaviors and emotions. Tony expresses his appreciation for the principle of Mind, which provides guidance for us in our life. Tony explains how noticing the negative pull of unhealthy stress will lessen the intensity of the stress and ties this ability to the principle of Consciousness. These nuggets of information intrigues Carolyn and she becomes increasingly curious about how Tony maintains his healthy perspective, despite organizational changes that affect everyone’s position. She tells Tony that she considers him “unflappable” and wonders how he manages to stay calm during the harried pace that is often a part of their work situation. She tells him that she wishes she were more like him.

As time goes on, Carolyn has some insights that change her thinking; she becomes more positive and has better interactions with her co-workers and colleagues. She is able to contribute more productively to her job, she comes up with creative solutions to long-standing issues and is more open to input from others. Carolyn is in service to her team in a way that she never was before. She shares her new thoughts with Tony, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at seem to change. I never realized this before and always looked to other people to change. I felt my way was the right way. Now I’m finding that as I listen to my team more, we get more done together. There isn’t the tension of competition that there used to be. Everyone is pulling for the optimal solution and happy to share the credit.”

Her co-workers are noticing that Carolyn is much easier to get along with and are enthusiastically including her in team meetings without reservation. They see her becoming the team leader and they applaud her innovative ideas. She draws the team together, brainstorming collectively, each building on the others’ thoughts, mutually pulling together as a team effort. Carolyn is on her way to becoming a superstar in the department and so is the team.

Sounds far fetched? You may think so but just consider the possibility that change can occur that simply and that subtly. It doesn’t take much to elicit wisdom and common sense from people primarily because we already have the capacity for wisdom and common sense within us. It’s just a matter of releasing the wisdom. Wisdom does not come from the brain or from memory. Wisdom comes from insight.

Wisdom is released naturally by slowing down our thinking, by having a quiet mind. An insight can slip through our thinking if we still our mind just for a moment. Once we have one “aha” moment, that “aha” is evidence that wisdom comes to us via insight, not from memory. An insight is something we have never thought of before. An insight is an original thought. All we need to do is slow down in order for wisdom and innate health to emerge. Then we too can become a superstar!

Elsie Spittle

February 1, 2007

Salt Spring Island, B.C.

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